Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
