he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
