His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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