Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
