Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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