I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
