I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
