Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So vagazzling was a success
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
