Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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