I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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