If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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