doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize