I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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