She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
