They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
