so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
