Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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