I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
