why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
