Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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