Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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