I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize