just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
