She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
