im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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