Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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