you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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