i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize