my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can I color on your dick again?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
