No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am midnight drunk by noon
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize