Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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