okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
