a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
