my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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