Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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