i think my mom watched the whole time
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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