How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
