so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
