I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
