I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your penis caused this!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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