I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i now understand why vodka
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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