So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
