I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
