I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
farters have to be the big spoon...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
