I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
