I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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