Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In America we eat man semen.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
