my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
