why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
