I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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