Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
