I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
