And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
