Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
