i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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