WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize