Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
