It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
