But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize