apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
