If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
