just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
