just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
