I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
