Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
