That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
