Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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