Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
