Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Is that strawberry winking at me??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
