i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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