47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
