the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
