I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
