Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
