I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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