toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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