Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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