Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
