She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
