I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
