I'm gonna have a badass scar
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize