the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
