I bet he comes in French.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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