a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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