I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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