I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
